When the Time Comes: How to Begin Preparing for Your Aging Parent
This article was updated on November 13, 2025
It is hard to imagine the tables turning and taking care of your parent—whether it’s your mother or father—after they have taken care of you for 18 or 30 or 45 years. For me, the time came 15 years before I was prepared, and I know I am not alone. When the time comes, will you be prepared?
You may be asking yourself; how do I prepare? There are plenty of checklists and guides out there to help you prepare or, on the flip side, make you feel even more overwhelmed. I will walk you through the main steps to get you on your way through:
Creating your team – Am I on my own, or do I have others to lean on? Involving each family member is important, as families can work together to support aging parents and ensure everyone’s voice is heard. Making a plan—what do we know, what do we need, and what do we have? Moving forward—reaction vs. planning
Your Guide To Aging Parent
Do You Know What Your Parents’ Wishes Are?
But, before planning or taking a step, one question is worth asking before all others… Do you know what your parent wants? You may think they should live in your house with you and your kids and your pets and your busy, noisy life. Or you may want to sign them up for Assisted Living at the highest point level today. You may want them to seek every medical treatment and clinical trial for what ails them. Or you may want to send them to an ayurvedic, silent retreat center for meditative tumor reduction. Whatever you may have in mind for your aging parent, even with your best intentions, it may not be what your parent wants – or needs. In Atul Gawande’s bestselling book, Being Mortal, he lays out four questions he uses with patients of a certain age and/or stage of health:
- What is your understanding of where you are with your health?
- What are your worries for the future?
- What are your hopes and priorities?
- Identify what your parent is willing to sacrifice and what they are not, so decisions stay centered on their wishes.
- Build a support team—family members, professionals, or both—to share responsibilities and reduce pressure.
- Consider using ElderCare Navigators or other specialists (legal, housing, Medicare/Medicaid, care providers) to guide planning and daily support.
- Keep your loved one’s needs, wants, health, and safety at the forefront while staying aligned as a family.
AARP’s “Prepare to Care” Guide: A Roadmap for an Emotional and Complex Journey
Luckily for all of us, much work has been done to assist in this complicated and often emotional, journey. The American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) is a wealth of information I ignored every time it offended me by showing up in my mailbox. Why did AARP think I was anywhere near old enough to be sent this brochure?! Now I realize that this information could have prepared me for the world of unexpected diagnoses, lengthy calls with insurance specialists, options for palliative and hospice care, and all the other things I did not know I would need to know when my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at 71 years young. The Prepare To Care Guide offered by AARP is 36 pages of hardcore reality, gentle suggestions, endless resources and the ultimate checklist of checklists for you, your team and your loved one. This tool not only helps identify areas where more support or attention may be necessary, it also helps you recognize when more help or more care is needed, and when to seek outside help or a care provider for your elderly parents. It provides you a method to prioritize immediate needs, collect and record critical information and create a plan that works for you and your aging parent. It can feel like you have all the time in the world or that time is racing away with your parent, either way it will only benefit you and your team to take the time to develop a plan to follow as the decisions only get harder and more frequent.
Moving Forward: Balancing Caregiving Tasks With Compassion and Self-Care
Now that you have had the hard conversation with your aging parent or loved one, formed your team of family and/or professionals, assessed immediate needs and planned, it is time to move forward and put your plan into action. As with all best laid plans, do count on some things going sideways or upside down completely. And, be prepared that the process of caring for your aging parent is only part logistics and much love and grief and patience. You may find the work of it exhausting and frustrating. You may find your parent or loved one exhausting and frustrating. Make sure you take care of yourself during this time, lean on your team, take time off as is possible and try to remember that the love and care you put into caring for your parent during this time is equal to or greater than the love and care they put into caring for you. If you are caring for your father, as I did, or your mother, know that these experiences are common and can happen with either parent.
It is natural for a family member to feel worry and concern about their elderly parent’s safety, health, or independence. Being worried or concerned can prompt you to take action, seek more help, or talk with professionals to ensure your parent’s well-being.
Basic Support For Aging Parent: Elder Planning
Practical support for your elderly parent or older adult may include running errands, helping with daily activities, and providing personal care. These tasks can become necessary when your parent is unable to manage on their own, and may also involve medication management, organizing medication, monitoring high blood pressure, and addressing other health concerns such as memory issues or when your parent forgets things more often. These are other signs that more help may be needed.
When planning, it’s important to talk with your aging parent, other family members, or a care provider to assess needs and discuss options for support, including outside help.
If your parent is unable to live independently, considering a nursing home may be necessary to ensure their safety and well-being.
Social support is also important—friends and social activities play a big role in an elderly parent’s life. Changes in social engagement or withdrawal from friends and social activities can be other signs that your elderly parent needs more care and support.
Quick reminders!
Hard conversations are HARD. Use guides and resources to help take the edge off.
Assessing Care Needs For Aging Parent
Assessing the care needs of your aging parent is one of the most important—and sometimes most challenging—steps in ensuring their safety, health, and happiness as they age. For many adult children and other family members, it can be difficult to recognize when a loved one needs more support, or to know exactly what kind of help will make the biggest difference. But taking the time to thoughtfully evaluate your elderly parent’s needs can help you plan ahead, prevent crises, and provide the right level of care at the right time.
Start by paying close attention to changes in your loved one’s ability to manage daily living activities. Are they struggling with bathing, dressing, or preparing meals? Have you noticed poor hygiene, missed medications, or unpaid bills piling up? These can be red flags that your parent may need more support with daily tasks. Memory loss or forgetfulness—such as missing appointments, getting lost, or repeating questions—can also signal the need for a more thorough assessment, especially if you suspect underlying conditions like dementia.
A home safety evaluation by an occupational therapist can be invaluable in identifying potential hazards and recommending modifications to prevent falls and injuries. Simple changes, like installing grab bars or improving lighting, can make a big difference in your parent’s ability to live independently and safely.
Mental health is another crucial aspect to consider. Watch for signs of depression, anxiety, or changes in mood and behavior, which can sometimes be overlooked but have a significant impact on overall well-being. If you notice these changes, don’t hesitate to reach out to a geriatric care manager or social worker for guidance. These professionals can help you create a care plan tailored to your parent’s unique needs, preferences, and health concerns.
As you assess care needs, take a close look at your parent’s living arrangements. Are they able to continue living independently, or would they benefit from more support in an assisted living or independent living community? For older adults with more complex health problems or who need specialized care, nursing homes or long term care facilities may be appropriate options. Visiting potential communities and talking with staff can help you find a safe, supportive environment that aligns with your loved one’s wishes.
Financial decisions are another key part of the planning process. Discuss how to pay bills, manage medications, and cover the costs of care—whether that means hiring a home health aide, moving to a senior living community, or exploring respite care options to give family caregivers a much-needed break. Don’t forget to tap into resources like social workers, local agencies, and national organizations for support and information.
Closing Thoughts: Preparing with Love, Acting with Heart
Caring for an ageing parent is one of the most daunting & life-changing things we can face. No guide, no checklist , and no professional can make this journey easy – but with a bit of planning, the right support & some honest open conversation – we can make it a little kinder for everyone involved. As you navigate this rollercoaster of changing needs and roles; shifting emotions ; keep in mind that you dont have to do this alone. Rely on your team – use those resources & be kind to yourself – just like youd be to your parent.
The road ahead is full of ups & downs – but its also packed with moments of real meaning , real connection & real love. By starting to plan early, honoring your mums wishes ; and staying open to any help that comes your way ( from your family , the pros or your community ) youll ensure your parent is cared for with the dignity & love they deserve.
And as you walk this road, just remind yourself that time is precious, relationships are priceless, & the love & care we give now becomes the legacy we carry on.
Do you need help navigating care for your aging parent? If so, Eldercare Navigators is here to help.
Ask for help. Be it your family or professional services, ask for help before you need it.
Assess and plan before action. The benefit to taking a minute, even in a critical scenario, can save you time and suffering down the road.
Time is finite. Love is eternal. Forgiveness is everything. By Laura Olson
